


The Story of James Lance, who Told Lies, and Came to a Sticky End

by pensnest



Category: Popslash
Genre: M/M, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-02
Updated: 2010-04-02
Packaged: 2017-10-08 15:13:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/76957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pensnest/pseuds/pensnest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James Lance Bass told such dreadful lies,<br/>It made one gasp, and scratch one's eyes.</p><p>Based on The Story of Matilda, Who Told Lies and was Burned To Death, by Hilaire Belloc.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Story of James Lance, who Told Lies, and Came to a Sticky End

> James Lance Bass told such dreadful lies  
>  It made one gasp, and scratch one's eyes.  
>  JC, who from his earliest youth  
>  Had kept a strict regard for truth  
>  Attempted to believe James Lance,  
>  But never really stood a chance.  
>  He might have done so, had not he  
>  Discovered this depravity:  
>  That once, towards the close of day,  
>  James Lance, insisting "I'm not gay," *  
>  But finding himself left alone  
>  Went tip-toe to the telephone  
>  And summoned, with a happy beam,  
>  The Nsync touring pyro team.  
>  Inspired by girlish cheers, and loud,  
>  Proceeding from the frenzied crowd,  
>  For quite an hour, the gallant men  
>  Set up their pyrotechnics, then  
>  Round and about the Lakeland site  
>  began exploding dynamite.  
>  Excited by the bursts of flame  
>  And having very little shame  
>  James Lance declared "It's time for fun!"  
>  And promptly dialled nine-one-one.  
>  The fire trucks rushed to save the dome  
>  And James Lance took a fireman home.  
> * * *  
> It happened that, after some time,  
>  JC had trouble with a rhyme  
>  And thought the difficulty might  
>  Be helped by going out one night.  
>  He quite refused to take James Lance  
>  (Who really, truly, could not dance)  
>  A deprivation just and wise  
>  To punish him for telling lies.  
>  That night, a fire did break out  
>  You should have heard poor James Lance shout!  
>  You should have heard his shrieks of joy!  
>  He really was a naughty boy.  
>  To douse the flames the fire trucks came  
>  —The mention of James Lance's name  
>  Encouraging them to make haste  
>  And pose with hoses firmly braced  
>  And manly muscled chests displayed,  
>  A feast of firemen on parade.  
>  And therefore, when the smoke had cleared  
>  The men, and Lance, had disappeared.

**Author's Note:**

> * I should just like to point out that I wrote this a week—_a week_—before Lance's People magazine. Hah.


End file.
